If my girlfriend ever finds out that I posted this, I may get slapped; ) So I'll change her name: )
This happened about 6 years ago, I like to tell people this story because it's sooo funny: ) My neighbors got a kick out of it the other night: )
So my girlfriend "Michelle" was staying the night in my apartment, which wasn't unusual, since she pretty much lived with me, we'd had WAYYYY too much wine that night and I had just bought a large container of cat nip for Booger. I thought the container would be safe sitting on the counter while we left the kitchen for girl chat in another room. Fast forward like an hour or so and we return to the kitchen, most likely to get more wine, and noticed that the cat, presumably, had knocked the tub of cat nip off the counter and onto the floor. He must have been in cat heaven, because upon impact it had exploded ALLLLLLL over the kitchen floor and there were large voids missing from where I'm assuming he ate/rolled around/hallucinated tiny cat hallucinations. Fast forward a few more hours (during this time, a kid we both had psych classes with, "Noel", came over to drink wine with us) "Michelle" and "Noel" were passed out on the living room floor and I was passed out in my bed. I woke up to a horrific smell and "Michelle" coming in my bedroom and changing out of her skirt. I got up to see what the heck happened, and watched "Michelle" put the skirt she had previously been wearing into a garbage bag and put it outside. Why? BECAUSE THERE WAS SHIT ALL OVER IT. LITERALLY SHIT. There also happened to be a HUGE puddle of diarrhea on the floor where she had been previously laying. So, being the logical bitch that I am, I put two and two together. "MICHELLE" HAD BEEN SO DRUNK SHE SHIT ON MY FLOOR AND DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT. Also, being the nice bitch that I am, gave her the option of saying that she had an "accident" and that if she just admitted to it, all would be forgiven. She informed me that she in fact did not shit on my floor and that it was Booger's fault. I told her she was obviously lying. We didn't talk much for the next two weeks because I was so mad that she was lying to me about something that was so petty, and blaming it on my cat, who had a litter box that was 20 feet away and has never had an accident before. I let it go and decided that she must be embarrased about it. And we continued being friends.
Fast forward two years.
Jeff and I were on our way to church one day and thanks to smart phones, I was Stumbling on the way there. As I was stumbling through one of my favorite topics, obviously cats, I came across a page titled 'SIDE EFFECTS OF TOO MUCH CAT NIP", it caught my attention and I soon became engrossed reading what can happen if a kitty ingests too much of it. I'm reading them outloud to Jeff and all of a sudden I stopped talking mid sentance. Jeff looked over at me to see what I am only assuming was a rediculously horrifed look on my face, and asked me what was wrong. All I can remember saying is that I had to call "Michelle" to apologize. Jeff told me I had to wait until after church to call her, and I hesitantly agreed.
I don't remember much about what the topic was in church that day, but it had to do with making ammends I believe. I couldn't wait any longer and I ended up leaving the sancutary to call her and applogize. This is how the conversation went:
Me: I have to tell you that I am soooooo sorry.
Her: For what? What's wrong?
Me: I was just on Stumbleupon and I read an article that said if cats ingest too much cat nip they will have sudden, explosive diarrhea. And I never believed you when you said that you didn't shit on my floor and that Booger did. I thought you were just too embarrased to tell me the truth.
Her: Silence.
Me: I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRRRRRRRYYYYYYY.
Her: Britt, that was like 2 years ago.
Me: I know.
Then we both started laughing hysterically.
Then I went back to finish the rest of the service,
The end: )
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