I don't know why it's been so hard this last few weeks, well I kind of do, but that's putting blame on something that I have no control of, and I shouldn't be doing that anyways.
Basically since last Saturday, I have had a total of 3.5 mental break downs. Okay, not really mental break downs, more so crying hysterically and writhing in self pity- wait, maybe that is the same as a mental break down: )
Anyways...
Firstly I'll start off with this:
I've NEVER EVER had a dream about being pregnant, having a baby, giving birth, or holding my own baby. Ever.
I'm the type of person who literally dreams about EVERYTHING especially if it has something do with with a conversation I had, something I think about constantly, something upcoming- you know EVERYTHING. But not this.
I even asked my accupuncturist if she thought that meant anything, she said probably not. But I even dream about things that will eventually orare about to happen, but again, not pregnancy; so I just added that into another reason it probably would never happen: (
Then a little over a week ago I had my very first pregnancy dream! It basically was just an image of an ultrasound picture with a tiny embryotic form of a baby and a placenta sac. That was it.
I literally woke up with my jaw dropped. I got my hopes up.
The next night I didn't dream of my baby.
But the night after, I had a dream where Jeff and I were walking into my doctors office, holding hands, and were taken back to the ultrasound room- where *the picture on the screen was the same picture that I had seen in my previous dream* It was crazy. Now I'm more excited.
Then there were no more dreams for a few days, and then the last one I've had happened, and it was the actual birth of our baby (which surprisingly took place in our home, and Jeff slept through the entire thing.. haha), and the rest of the dream was me watching me hold this tiny, beautiful, sweet baby in my arms.
It filled me with so much hope and excitement!
But 4 pregnancy tests probably don't lie, they are all BIG FAT NEGATIVES: (
I thought I was over being super upset and sad, apparently not.
To top it off, I'm a few days late (probably due to crying uncontrollably for close to 4 days straight), but each day it's not there, I get a spark of hopefullness.
I've turned to three books lately:
Every Drunken Cheerleader: Why Not Me by Kristine Waits
Empty Womb, Aching Heart by Marlo Schalesky
Where is God When it Hurts- Philip Yancey
I'm hoping these calm my soul.
I think I'm done venting now: )
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Something splendid will emerge from this...
My Great Gramma passed away today. It's been a long time coming, but it's still sad none-the-less. She was just a few months shy of turning 100. Wow. She's seen an entire century. How wonderful would that be? It's crazy to think about how it was when she grew up compared to how kids grow up now. Again, all I can say is wow.
I guess she was talking to my gramma's sister today, and then all of a sudden stopped talking, fell backwards and then stopped breathing. She wasn't in the soundest of mind, but she was not in pain; she died surrounded by love.
She was an amazing, optimistic, lovely, beautiful, wonderful woman, something splendid will emerge from her death!
May you rest in peace Gramma B!
I guess she was talking to my gramma's sister today, and then all of a sudden stopped talking, fell backwards and then stopped breathing. She wasn't in the soundest of mind, but she was not in pain; she died surrounded by love.
She was an amazing, optimistic, lovely, beautiful, wonderful woman, something splendid will emerge from her death!
May you rest in peace Gramma B!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
What has happened to teens these days?!
When did teens become so cretinous? When did parents stop teaching their children such simple things, for example: not to play on train tracks? Not to send naked pictures of themselves to people? And when did parents stop telling their children "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me"?
My jaw drops everytime I see commercials on TV, reminding kids about that. Really? I feel that I need to break these down.
Don't play on railroad tracks.
Maybe I'm the only one whose ever thought to myself, even as a tiny child, that train tracks=large metal contraption hurtling at great speeds that can't stop on a dime and will maliciously murder anyone who plays on them. I'm the only one? Understandable, most people don't overthink anything as indepth as I feel I do: ) But I am positive, that even you city folk, who didn't grow up around train tracks, still know that trains murder people. And if not, I feel that someone has a friend of a friend who was hit by a train. Or maybe have even seen movies like Unstoppable or at least the trailer and know playing on train tracks is dangerous.
Don't send naked pictures of yourself.
I feel this is another no brainer, especially when directed towards anyone who isn't married or in a monogamous relationship- so I'm pretty much pointing this to anyone 18 years and below, or at least people with a camera phone, that are 18 or below and in a high school setting (and even more disturbingly middle school and possibly late elementary school- that's sad...) Apparently when you send naked pictures of yourself to a boy (if your a girl) or send pictures of your penis to a girl (hopefully you're a boy), the recipiant may feel the need to show off the picture of your body or your tiny weiner to other people in their contact list. Understandable (especially if you have a really tiny weiner), but you, being the sender, should probably know this may/probably will happen, and should re-think sending it entirely. It will work out better for you in the long run if you don't.
"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
Yes, words can hurt your feelings, but to let them affect you to the point you want to kill yourself is rediculous. If you can' t overcome it on your own, talk to someone, preferably an adult or a mentor about it, and if it's flat out harassment, get a restraining order, not tattoo random words on your body. And remember this childhood rhyme! Or punch someone right in the mouth. They'll shut it then.
My jaw drops everytime I see commercials on TV, reminding kids about that. Really? I feel that I need to break these down.
Don't play on railroad tracks.
Maybe I'm the only one whose ever thought to myself, even as a tiny child, that train tracks=large metal contraption hurtling at great speeds that can't stop on a dime and will maliciously murder anyone who plays on them. I'm the only one? Understandable, most people don't overthink anything as indepth as I feel I do: ) But I am positive, that even you city folk, who didn't grow up around train tracks, still know that trains murder people. And if not, I feel that someone has a friend of a friend who was hit by a train. Or maybe have even seen movies like Unstoppable or at least the trailer and know playing on train tracks is dangerous.
Don't send naked pictures of yourself.
I feel this is another no brainer, especially when directed towards anyone who isn't married or in a monogamous relationship- so I'm pretty much pointing this to anyone 18 years and below, or at least people with a camera phone, that are 18 or below and in a high school setting (and even more disturbingly middle school and possibly late elementary school- that's sad...) Apparently when you send naked pictures of yourself to a boy (if your a girl) or send pictures of your penis to a girl (hopefully you're a boy), the recipiant may feel the need to show off the picture of your body or your tiny weiner to other people in their contact list. Understandable (especially if you have a really tiny weiner), but you, being the sender, should probably know this may/probably will happen, and should re-think sending it entirely. It will work out better for you in the long run if you don't.
"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
Yes, words can hurt your feelings, but to let them affect you to the point you want to kill yourself is rediculous. If you can' t overcome it on your own, talk to someone, preferably an adult or a mentor about it, and if it's flat out harassment, get a restraining order, not tattoo random words on your body. And remember this childhood rhyme! Or punch someone right in the mouth. They'll shut it then.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tips on concieving (Quite possibly TMI)
These are the top tips that I love hearing! I seriously laugh about them long after the conversation is over! I love these tips because they are meant to be taken light heartedly, and who knows, but laughing really hard over conception tips may be the trick; )
Stand on your head! It's how I got pregnant with (insert child's name here)!
I love this! And I love the woman who told me this is what I need to be doing even more! This was the actual conversation:
T: Are you standing on your head after the deed? Because that's how I got pregnant with my first baby!
M: No. Standing on my head involves being suffocated my boobs.
T: Then your husband should be holding them for you.
M: How do you think we got into this situation in the first place?
T: Oh! Right!
Sidenote- holding my boobs to get me in the mood isn't something that happens. Normally.... HAHAHA
Are you sure you don't want to try another penis?
I love the woman that asked me this! I love it even more that this was yelled at me in the healthfood store that she works at: ) After I told her that I REALLY REALLY REALLY like the penis I've been using, she proceeded to offer (and re-instill what others have offered) me the next tip on the list.
You need to get drunk and chain smoke!
Apparently Jeff and I have been coming at this all wrong! This pretty much seems to be the cause of most pregnancies (at least for teen pregnancies, unplanned pregnancies, and most planned pregnancies too!) Hmmm. Maybe tonight; )
Are you sure you're doing it right?
I love hearing this from grammas especially! I then feel the need to ask them if they think sex is still the same as when they were my age: ) Please correct me if I'm wrong, but concieving involves just holding hands right?
Buy a really long turkey baster!
As funny as I think this is. I actually know 3 people this worked for. I may not knock it; )
P.s. Thank you to the women who tell me these things so I can laugh about it! It truly means the world to me!: )
Stand on your head! It's how I got pregnant with (insert child's name here)!
I love this! And I love the woman who told me this is what I need to be doing even more! This was the actual conversation:
T: Are you standing on your head after the deed? Because that's how I got pregnant with my first baby!
M: No. Standing on my head involves being suffocated my boobs.
T: Then your husband should be holding them for you.
M: How do you think we got into this situation in the first place?
T: Oh! Right!
Sidenote- holding my boobs to get me in the mood isn't something that happens. Normally.... HAHAHA
Are you sure you don't want to try another penis?
I love the woman that asked me this! I love it even more that this was yelled at me in the healthfood store that she works at: ) After I told her that I REALLY REALLY REALLY like the penis I've been using, she proceeded to offer (and re-instill what others have offered) me the next tip on the list.
You need to get drunk and chain smoke!
Apparently Jeff and I have been coming at this all wrong! This pretty much seems to be the cause of most pregnancies (at least for teen pregnancies, unplanned pregnancies, and most planned pregnancies too!) Hmmm. Maybe tonight; )
Are you sure you're doing it right?
I love hearing this from grammas especially! I then feel the need to ask them if they think sex is still the same as when they were my age: ) Please correct me if I'm wrong, but concieving involves just holding hands right?
Buy a really long turkey baster!
As funny as I think this is. I actually know 3 people this worked for. I may not knock it; )
Things you do while trying to concieve:
- Promise people you and your husband really do have sex!
- Play 'The Great Sperm Race' on your computer and point the screen towards your husbands testicles.
- Shop for your unconcieved, unborn children!
- Yell at your cervix to stop murdering sperm!
- You plan your social outings around the time you ovulate (Sorry; ) )
P.s. Thank you to the women who tell me these things so I can laugh about it! It truly means the world to me!: )
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
To do:
Yesterday I tweaker cleaned my house: ) It still smells like a pool: ) In fact, my hands still smell like bleach; that is how I know I did a fantastic job! Today is organizing my cabinets, pantry, and garage. I am not looking forward to our garage. It's been my husbands dumping ground for anything Army. The pile(s) he's been making take over literally half of the garage and some are as tall as my waist. Not. Fun.
I bought material to make my very first skirt the other day. I'm not sure how it will turn out, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will be good! I'll post pictures! I'm hoping to start it today, it may be tomorrow though! I really have to get this baby blanket done! I'm about 3/4 of the way done with knitting the blanket, but then I have to start on the ribbon to go around it! I really hope it turns out as beautiful as it has in my head!
my last thought this morning: It's Tuesday, January 11. DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? TEEN MOM 2 STARTS TONIGHT, AND JENELLE IS GOING TO GET REPRIMANDED FOR BEING A CRAPPY MOM. No, I'm not excited in the least: )
I bought material to make my very first skirt the other day. I'm not sure how it will turn out, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will be good! I'll post pictures! I'm hoping to start it today, it may be tomorrow though! I really have to get this baby blanket done! I'm about 3/4 of the way done with knitting the blanket, but then I have to start on the ribbon to go around it! I really hope it turns out as beautiful as it has in my head!
my last thought this morning: It's Tuesday, January 11. DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? TEEN MOM 2 STARTS TONIGHT, AND JENELLE IS GOING TO GET REPRIMANDED FOR BEING A CRAPPY MOM. No, I'm not excited in the least: )
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Much ado about nothing
So I am no longer enrolled in any MA classes and I won't be able to go back to school until next quarter: ( So I've decided I am going to craft-ify our house even more: ) Don't worry, I'll post pictures! For my first project, I am seeing our monogram, but that's all I will give out!
Last night we celebrated a good friend's birthday at a dueling piano bar! It was a blast! The pianists were awesome! As well as great sports, they sang Spice Girls Wannabe, with only slight grumbling: )
After we got home, I watched a movie called Letters To God. It's been on my Netflix instant que for months now and I hadn't watched it. I totally forgot it was on there, until I walked into Family Christian yesterday, looking for a few books to read, and saw it on the shelf. I didn't buy it, but made a mental note to watch it. It's phenominal. Definately a tear jerker. Don't tell Jeff I'm writing this, but even he got a little choked up. I highly recommend watching it!
While I was at Family Christian yesterday, one of the guys that works there was telling jokes. I think I finally found a joke that is almost as good as this one my dad told me when I was Little Britty:
Q: Where does the General keep his armies?
A: Up his SLEEVIES!
BAHAHAHAH
This is the new joke:
A teacher had just gotten a few foreign exchange students in her class, and she wanted them to learn about colors. So she asked the students to use green, pink and yellow in a sentance. The students thought about it, and finally one kid raised his hand. The teacher asked him what his sentance was, and he said:
When the phone goes green, green, I pink it up and say yellow!
hahahahahahhahahahhaahahah
I know who ever reads this will use one of those jokes today: )
I had another acupuncture appointment earlier this week, and I am sad to say that there is not a baby in our family yet; ( I have high hopes for this coming month though!!! Please send us prayers, or wish us luck, we'll take which ever you send us!
Last night we celebrated a good friend's birthday at a dueling piano bar! It was a blast! The pianists were awesome! As well as great sports, they sang Spice Girls Wannabe, with only slight grumbling: )
After we got home, I watched a movie called Letters To God. It's been on my Netflix instant que for months now and I hadn't watched it. I totally forgot it was on there, until I walked into Family Christian yesterday, looking for a few books to read, and saw it on the shelf. I didn't buy it, but made a mental note to watch it. It's phenominal. Definately a tear jerker. Don't tell Jeff I'm writing this, but even he got a little choked up. I highly recommend watching it!
While I was at Family Christian yesterday, one of the guys that works there was telling jokes. I think I finally found a joke that is almost as good as this one my dad told me when I was Little Britty:
Q: Where does the General keep his armies?
A: Up his SLEEVIES!
BAHAHAHAH
This is the new joke:
A teacher had just gotten a few foreign exchange students in her class, and she wanted them to learn about colors. So she asked the students to use green, pink and yellow in a sentance. The students thought about it, and finally one kid raised his hand. The teacher asked him what his sentance was, and he said:
When the phone goes green, green, I pink it up and say yellow!
hahahahahahhahahahhaahahah
I know who ever reads this will use one of those jokes today: )
I had another acupuncture appointment earlier this week, and I am sad to say that there is not a baby in our family yet; ( I have high hopes for this coming month though!!! Please send us prayers, or wish us luck, we'll take which ever you send us!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Life
So today was the first day of the new quarter for my classes. I think they are going to be fantastic, but I'm dropping all of them. It just hit me that there is no way I can do the medical feild. I have no idea how I got through phlebotomy, I hate blood. I probably won't be in school this quarter, but I am going to transfer to another school and finish up my degree in Social Service Mental Health. It's almost like what I was going to go to school for originally, just 10 years less of school: ) And who knows, I may end up going 10 years! But this will start it. With my AA in favor of psychology under my belt, I reall only need 2 quarters left for this degree! And then I can go to work and help people in crisis! YAY!
On an even better note! Jeff and I had ordered new dishes from T.S. Berger Pottery over summer leave, and THEY JUST CAME TODAY via UPS! OH MY GOSH! It was seriously like Christmas ALL OVER AGAIN! There were 8 boxes!
This is what my normally spotless livingroom looked like after everything was unpacked
It looks like hell.
This is what it our new dinnerware looks like!! EEP!!!
8-dinner plates
8 salad plates
8-bread plates
8-normal people bowls
8- Brittany sized salad bowls (that's literally what the receipt said: ) hahaha)
8-mugs
1- popcorn bowl
1-serving platter
This only took us two years to decide. I didn't realise that dinnerware was so exhausting and long. But I am sooo glad we held out! These are absolutely beautiful! He had made us a large bowl for our wedding gift (it's BEAUTIFUL), so we decided to use the same colors, but pick a different pattern! I love that these are one-of-a-kind, made by someone we love, and are beautiful!
The End: )
On an even better note! Jeff and I had ordered new dishes from T.S. Berger Pottery over summer leave, and THEY JUST CAME TODAY via UPS! OH MY GOSH! It was seriously like Christmas ALL OVER AGAIN! There were 8 boxes!
This is what my normally spotless livingroom looked like after everything was unpacked
This is what it our new dinnerware looks like!! EEP!!!
8 salad plates
8-bread plates
8-normal people bowls
8- Brittany sized salad bowls (that's literally what the receipt said: ) hahaha)
8-mugs
1- popcorn bowl
1-serving platter
This only took us two years to decide. I didn't realise that dinnerware was so exhausting and long. But I am sooo glad we held out! These are absolutely beautiful! He had made us a large bowl for our wedding gift (it's BEAUTIFUL), so we decided to use the same colors, but pick a different pattern! I love that these are one-of-a-kind, made by someone we love, and are beautiful!
The End: )
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